But I forgot, I need to stop criticising the government and just bend over and take it up the arse like a good little consumer.... Go and spend some money on a credit card or do something, but make sure I spend money because otherwise I won't get that funky new doohickey and if I don't get that funky new doohickey then nobody will like me and I'll no longer be cool and I'll be an ugly unattractive person and no women will sleep with me and dogs will cross the road when they see me coming and I'll get cancer and then get blown up by a terrorist and then get BSE on the way to hospital where I'll be raped by a pedophile that should have been screened by the police but didn't and now he's raping little old ladies in hospital.... aaaaaaaargh! So much fear, not enough adrenaline!
David Blunkett will today announce further proposals to combat the threat from al-Qaida terrorism, drawing a parallel between today's threat and "extreme periods" of history such as the American civil war or wartime Britain.
The measures - widely leaked to the Sunday papers - are expected to include allowing bugging as evidence in terrorism cases and giving MI5 1,000 extra staff, but possibly stopping short of allowing internment for UK nationals suspected of terrorism, or reducing the burden of proof in terrorist trials.
MPs will then debate whether to renew the provisions of the 2001 Anti-Terrorism, Crime and Security Act, which derogates from European human rights legislation to allow the internment of foreign nationals on the say-so of the intelligence services.
In a series of interviews ahead of this afternoon's announcement and debate, the home secretary attacked civil rights campaigners for "poisonous" personal attacks on him.
Mr Blunkett said his controversial internment powers will remain an "essential component" of the government's anti-terrorism measures, but extending similar powers to British citizens would be a "grave step" which would be "difficult to justify".
Mr Blunkett compared today's terror threat to US president Abraham Lincoln's suspension of habeas corpus during the American civil war, or the period of internment in wartime Britain, although he admitted that those periods were "more extreme times".
Regarding the forthcoming anti-terror law reforms, the home secretary said of his consultation paper: "We are not advocating any particular course."
He confessed that he risked "being derided as ineffectual" for publishing a consultation paper this morning that raised more questions than it answered.
He said he was "fed up" with the "brickbats" aimed at him by human rights campaigners. "Let's hear some new ideas, not just poisonous personal attacks," he said.